(2022-01-30) Jeffries Strawberries10 Kind Respectful Helpful

Ron Jeffries: Strawberries 10: Kind, Respectful, Helpful. Today I want to focus on the role those three attributes play in Agile Software Development. And they play together. They are more like three sides of a triangle, than three separable ideas

Why Not?

Sometimes a person’s skill in programming is the first attribute they’ve ever had that was valued.... Because they were disrespected, and because they were not helped, and because they were treated unkindly, they treat their skill as something to be hoarded, something not to be shared, and something to use as a weapon.

Sometimes people are uncertain of their skill.

I have met many software people in my six decades of doing this stuff, and many of them, men and women, are incredibly kind, respectful, and helpful

But one stands out for me, perhaps because of the many interactions I’ve had with him.

Ward Cunningham is unquestionably the kindest software developer I’ve ever met. Let me share two stories.

A or B

I solved the problem. Ward respectfully and kindly helped the developer.

Interpreter

*He wrote one line of code in Smalltalk, the answer to the question “how do you write an interpreter in Smalltalk?” One line.

My mind was blown. I didn’t know that. And at no time in the process did I feel pressured, embarrassed, or uncomfortable*

OOPSLA

*Then Ward somehow managed to interrupt. I think he said something mild like “Can I show you something?” Kent Beck of course paused.

Ward wrote one line of code. It was a Smalltalk inject:into:.

Kent paused. I think he said “Oh”. Ward’s one line brought Kent’s design down to reality, made it much more clear in Kent’s mind, and helped him make his explanation simpler and more clear.*

If there’s any kind of status gradient downward from Alex to Bailey, Bailey is likely to perceive unkindness, pressure, force, rudeness, or imposition, even if Alex doesn’t intend any of those things.

And if Alex has a strong personality, or expresses themselves forcefully, while Bailey is a bit more quiet, Bailey is likely to perceive unkindness or disrespect, and is likely to be unable to perceive the help offered.

Like it or not, my mind is quick to think sarcastic things. I am quick to have a retort to anything said.

I like to argue. I like to push and pull on ideas, kick them around, turn them over with other like-minded folks, because I’ve found that better ideas are discovered that way.

And in my work, I have been fortunate to be surrounded by people who trusted each other and who enjoyed the same kinds of things.

Unfortunately, not everyone comes from that culture. That means that I am often too much to take.

So in an effort to improve myself in the direction of Kindness, Respect, and Helpfulness, I try now to focus, not on convincing someone to do something, not on changing what they do. I just try to offer what I have, to show what happens to me, and to leave it to folks to decide what to do.