Befriend Your Brain - Faith G. Harper

Partial Excerpts (antilibrary)

Dealing with Things Way Later

Then there are those of us who didn’t get a chance to really unpack our trauma during that ninety-day re-stabilization window

This just means there are more months or years to untangle. This is not a hopeless situation at all. Because if this is you? You are a SURVIVOR

You need to teach your brain to use your PFC to distinguish between real threats and perceived threats again

Okay, So It’s Not Really a Trauma. But I Still Have a Messed-Up Brain. What’s Up with That?

But the trauma stuff doesn’t really ring a bell for you

Your amygdala has its groove going in a bad habit, making life harder for you in dumb ways.

What is a habit? A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. You did something, and it worked. You continued to do it, and it continued to work. At some point maybe it stopped working as well, if at all

Hence the “Addictions“ chapter of this book. Even if you are all, “Yeah, not messing with drugs or alcohol, doesn’t apply,” consider reading it anyway.

Take Action: Ride the Wave

emotions are meant to be a signal in the brain that something needs your attention. They are meant to only last long enough to actually get your attention, and they dissipate after you decide on your course of action.

The problem is we tend to do one of two things instead of paying attention. We either get stuck thinking about it constantly or get stuck trying to avoid it constantly. Both make things worse

Try setting aside five minutes to sit with the emotion you’re feeling instead of fighting back. (sit with it)

Take Action: Put It on Ice

A lot of therapists used to encourage clients to wear a rubber band and snap it on their wrist if they felt an urge to self-harm, or were having spinning thoughts, or were considering an impulsive behavior

We were trying to help people disrupt the current focus of the brain by encouraging it to attend to another pain point

Ice works much better without causing lasting damage. Seriously, try it. Grab an ice cube and squeeze. Your brain is gonna be all, “OW! What are you doing that for?” and it disrupts the signal

The cool thing, too, is carrying ice with you isn’t obvious

A Framework for Getting Better

this is the general “how” section of the book

what other people call stages, I call a framework

So you can focus on what will work best at that moment

One of the best frameworks for understanding how the brain heals from trauma comes from Judith Herman’s book Trauma and Recovery

Take Action: Create Coping Cards

The problem with all the coping mechanisms that follow is that chances are you can’t remember them in the heat of the moment, at least not at first.

So when you find a mantra, a grounding exercise, a fact about anxiety, or another statement or image or action that helps you, put it on an index card. Hole punch your cards, put them on a snap-shut key ring, and you have a set of coping cards you can flip through when panic hits

I have had so many clients end up loving their cards and using them all the time.

Grounding Techniques

“What’s the one universal thing that anyone can do to help someone having a rough time?” The best answer I have is to help people ground themselves back in their bodies and in the present moment.

Mental Grounding

Mental grounding techniques are intended to keep you in the present moment by focusing on your current situation and surroundings. You are gonna use mantras or make lists. And yes, you can say these out loud.

Nutrition Changes

When we are stressed we crave sugar like whoa. The brain needs glucose to maintain willpower and energy . . . which is why dieting is so hard. You are deprived of the glucose you need for willpower

CHAPTER 6: ANXIETY

Anxiety is total body chaos demanding your attention so you can correct whatever your brain is perceiving as a threat . . . either a real, immediate threat or a possible one your brain is worried about

CHAPTER 7: ANGER

anger is an emotion designed to protect us from harm by pushing us into action.

CHAPTER 8: ADDICTION AND UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS

Let’s start with one universal truth right off the bat. Practically everyone engages in some behavior in an unhealthy way