David Wong: Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia (Zoey-Ashe 3) ISBN:1250285933

Excerpts

Chapter 1

EXACTLY FORTY-FOUR HOURS BEFORE a building would collapse on top of her, Zoey Ashe was shuffling drunkenly around her mansion in a bathrobe, munching Doritos

Then a couple of spotlights kicked on from the yard and there it was: not a drone or a helicopter, but something in between, a personal flying device carrying some idiot over the wrought-iron main gate, then soaring above the hedges and statues along the winding driveway.

A moment later, two of the statues inside the gate—men in armor, on horseback—pivoted and from their eyes flew angry swarms of projectiles that streaked up into the darkness like sparks from a poked campfire. The arms and legs of the flyer were ripped off, whirling to the ground before the torso and flying device tumbled down after them

everything in the house had been set to respond to her voice commands

mannequin

You know how sometimes your life gets into a holding pattern because you’re just killing time until a dreaded scheduled event? For Zoey, that event was coming Sunday evening and for weeks she’d been filling her life with distractions, trying to fast-forward through the timeline until the blessed day when it would all be over and done with

Chapter 2

THE EVENTS DESCRIBED HEREIN take place in the future, in an 85,000- square-mile expanse of a gorgeously hostile territory that people in Zoey’s time will call Utah, which you’ll note is the same as what it’s called now

In Zoey’s future, a cabal of wealthy real estate developers have bulldozed all of that nonsense and laid the foundations for a gleaming new metropolis called Tabula Ra$a.

Arthur’s team, whom most people in town simply called the Suits, were the subject of endless conspiracy theories

Chapter 3

They were in a cavernous space dominated by stainless-steel pipes and rhythmic squishy noises. It was a “cultured meat” factory owned by a company that had almost sarcastically named itself Montana Skies Beef

Zoey knew all of this, not because she now owned this factory—though she definitely did—but because it had all just been explained moments ago by a holographic cartoon cow that was leading the tour

Zoey was about to say that was absolutely not her mission, when Will interjected, “She’s not staying for the factory. She’s staying for the kids.” He tossed a thumb to his right and Zoey’s stomach dropped.

Oh, god, she thought. The kids. Between her pounding headache and looming panic, she’d forgotten all about them

Not that Zoey had known how fierce the resistance was when she’d bought this facility; she’d thought she was doing a good deed, since this beef used a tiny fraction of the land and water as the real stuff, produced an equally tiny fraction of the CO2 emissions, and involved none of the animal suffering

The kids had been diverted out there prior to this part of the tour, as the shivering beef-pillar section of the facility would presumably have been far too traumatizing for them.

Everyone had turned their attention to the doggie door, where a woman was stepping through. In any other era and in any other city, Zoey would have assumed she was hallucinating what she saw next: the woman, thin and pale with brown hair and wearing a flowing kaftan, seemed to be surrounded by a cloud of glowing butterflies.

Again, who is this?” asked Zoey under her breath.

“She calls herself Harmonia,” replied Will

Zoey got the sense that the woman, Harmonia, was playing up her reaction and just then remembered what Wu had said a moment ago, that the rest of her team (or army? Disciples?) were following remotely. Each of those butterfly drones presumably contained a tiny camera, and each feed was being viewed by who knows how many people who were loyal to the cause or maybe just curious to see if this would end in disaster

It’s beef without hurting the cows! I know the manufacturing process is weird to look at, but have you ever seen a slaughterhouse?”

“Mute Zoey Ashe.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You are muted on my feed. For anyone tuning in, your voice will be silenced and a box will appear over your mouth to prevent the reading of lips. I will not allow you to brainwash my followers with your lies

She gestured to her glowing butterfly drones. “My flock, take out her cameras.”

The butterflies zipped around the woman, leaving streaks of blue in Zoey’s vision. They swarmed the reporter’s three camera drones and, one by one, all three banged to the floor, smoldering and stinking of molten plastic

She looked to Will. Zoey couldn’t read his expression, not now or at any other time. In general, if you ever thought you could read Will’s expression, it was only because he wanted you to, which meant you still weren’t doing it.

“He will not consume the meat,” announced Harmonia to her audience, “because this meat was not grown from the cells of a cow, but of a human.”

Zoey said, “Jesus Christ. Why is it always cannibalism with you weirdos?

do you realize how weird it is that the person who owns the land basically controls everything?

Will uttered a phrase that was utter nonsense to Zoey: “Millie wants you to come home.”

Harmonia reacted like Will had just pulled a gun.

Through a clenched jaw, she said, “Are you threatening my child?”

Zoey felt the familiar sensation of being simultaneously comforted and terrified that Will was, somehow, several steps ahead

I know you are. You received implants from the same supplier that made your moth swarm. That’s some expensive hardware. Who paid for it?”

You got fired from your job at the real estate office three months ago, after ranting to customers about human meat in their burgers. The divorce came a week later, right?

There was a flash and instantly Zoey was blind

Wu flicked the red ball he’d hidden in his left hand toward the woman. This, Zoey knew, was a nonlethal weapon she’d been briefed on months ago, a shell containing a sticky goo that was like industrial-grade marshmallow.

At the moment the goo capsule impacted Harmonia, she was standing in front of the fluffy little cow. The ball exploded into a pink mass, causing the woman to stumble backward until she fell into the cow. The goo then glued her to the animal, which panicked and took off running toward the opening in the glass, mooing and dragging the now screaming woman that was stuck to its flank.

She felt a searing burn in her scalp and touched her head. She had a bald streak of raw skin where whatever beam Harmonia had fired at her had missed her brain by millimeters

We have another meeting.”

“What? No, Will, we don’t.”

“We do now. Something has come up. Another of the girls has gone missing.

Chapter 4

They were rolling toward the city in a mobile café that appeared to be shaped like a giant, bus-sized sushi roll (it was technically kimbap

What group was she with, again?”

“Soylent Black,” answered Echo

But that’s not who paid for those augmentations and the butterflies; I think that was a gift from a certain politician who’s looking to make headaches for us

Her name is Rose,” replied Echo. “The missing woman, I mean. She worked at Chalet

these are prostitutes.

And there’s been more than one? And they’re getting, what, abducted and murdered?”

“Not necessarily. It might be more complicated. Axolotl will know more. If she’s been killed, that’s bad, obviously. But if someone is holding her and the other two who’ve gone missing, that might be worse

Everything, what happened just now, what’s about to happen—we have to look at it through a political lens. That’s just the situation right now, everything that comes our way could be carefully crafted to shape public perception.

I am very interested in how that woman was able to get into such close proximity to Zoey without us knowing about it until the very last minute

It was only then that Zoey realized that Wu had been stewing in a silent rage for the entire commute. He was fixing a cold, unwavering gaze on Will

The issue,” said Wu, making a clear effort to keep his voice even, “isn’t the woman’s physical presence at the building, but that we somehow had no intel about her plan. This was an orchestrated stunt. Did this fanatic’s followers really not know in advance the broadcast was coming? And if her fans did know, how did we not know?”

“Do you have any idea how many active threats against Zoey are pending at any given moment?

She said, “You knew she would be there today.”

“No,” replied Will evenly. “Of course not.”

Zoey felt a sensation she only felt around Will Blackwater: the sense that she was almost detecting a lie

We brought in fake staff because a lot of the resistance to vat beef is that it puts a whole bunch of people out of work up and down the supply chain. That building used to be a meatpacking plant that employed seven hundred, this operation can be run by six. Not six hundred—six people

Wu put up a hand. “We’re getting off the subject. See, another thing is I couldn’t help but notice that while you could have written the book on high-pressure negotiations, you made no effort to de-escalate here. In fact, you just kept provoking that unstable woman until she flew into a rage

So you knew that having the kids on-site would limit her options,” continued Zoey. “You knew she was coming, you arranged for the children to be there. You used them as human shields

Chapter 5

LEGITIMIZING SEX WORK IN the USA was, to put it mildly, a tricky business.

how do you go about attracting that massively untapped sector of the market that is the other ninety percent?

The answer that Zoey’s father had come up with was that there was no single answer. He instead opened a whole series of bordellos geared toward every class of customer

On the opposite end of the spectrum were “Business Professional” establishments like the Chalet Intimacy Parlor, fronted by a smiling, cute-as-a-button receptionist behind an oval front desk with a trickling fountain looming behind her.

After all, just because nobody was getting arrested for selling sex in Tabula Ra$a didn’t mean the customers’ spouses or partners would be okay with any particular transaction

The fundies with the angels? They’ve been running off all the customers since January.”

Zoey looked to Will and then Echo. “Who are they, again?”

Echo said, “Members of an activist group who call themselves the Liberators

They have drones that look like avenging angels, hovering above to remind people they’re being watched.

They became active right around the time the election started heating up.”

Will jumped in. “It’d actually be very surprising if all three just left without notice. Girls go missing for violent reasons often enough that it’s an unspoken rule that you let somebody know if you’re looking to change cities or careers. They keep a lookout for each other. And of course, DeeDee keeps track, when she can.

She looked back to Zoey. “He can’t say no to you, can he?”

“I’m his boss, so, no.”

“You think that’s the reason, huh?

Chapter 6

This meeting had been scheduled in advance of both incidents, to discuss the two huge events that had been dominating Zoey’s time and energy for the past couple of months: the music festival in the desert—complete with the Sunday-evening appearance Zoey had been so profoundly dreading—and the stupid mayoral election on the following Tuesday

The Casa de Zoey itself encompassed some 60,000 square feet, including eight bedroom suites, fifteen bathrooms, a giant kitchen that could supply an upscale restaurant, a small indoor swimming pool, a sauna, a trampoline room, a ball pit, a cigar humidor, a movie theater, and a number of other rooms

It was also in this room that, months ago, the team had gathered and hammered out a very specific and foolproof plan to rig the upcoming election in favor of their guy, “Megaboss” Alonzo Dunn

Chobb had famously run his companies from an office on board a black dirigible that floated around the city. Another billionaire had moved to town and decided he liked the idea and so bought his own, larger blimp. One day his blimp was parked on a rooftop docking port that had been reserved for Chobb, prompting Chobb to order his airship to ram the other. This, unfortunately, caused the passenger hold to dislodge and plummet to the streets below, leaving Chobb’s body a twisted wreck

This was what outsiders never understood about the Suits, even going back to the reign of Zoey’s father: there usually were plans in place but, in the end, the endemic chaos of the universe would always have its say.

Those are not animated. This is a live look at the current position of all two hundred and thirteen thousand, five hundred and twenty-nine human beings on festival grounds. Sorry, twenty-eight, one guy just left. This includes live biometric data of every single individual, including their current heart rate, level of agitation, and intoxication

this year, the music festival ends Monday morning and the mayoral voting begins twenty-four hours later. So now we’ve got slimeball candidate Leonidas Damon doing a surprise voter-registration drive right there on the campgrounds—we were unable to dissuade him—and that means Alonzo will have his volunteers doing the same by this afternoon, and both parties will bring their own security. You can see where this is heading: The alcohol, hormones, and music are already whipping the crowd into a frenzy. You throw political tribalism into the mix and you’ve got yourself a powder keg

Last year, there were two fatalities

Leonidas Damon was a celebrity, a Blink pundit famous for his rants about ridding the world of filth and immorality. So, no, the festival kids didn’t care about the office of mayor, but they had very strong feelings about Damon and his movement

As you know,” she began, “the goal is to have just enough visible security to deter violence without reaching the threshold where it starts to ruin the vibe

The green dots are where security personnel are positioned. The red are where we need people but don’t have them because one of the security contractors dropped out

Actually, the buildup of garbage ties directly in to the political aspect,” replied a new voice from the door, “and I don’t just mean that in a metaphorical sense

Budd Billingsley had appeared at some point, wearing a cream-colored suit and cowboy boots

The amount of trash buildup is a key ingredient in any riot situation,” continued Budd. “It’s a visual cue that order has broken down, you see, and also provides projectiles

So what you’re saying is that it’s entirely possible that whether or not America has a fascist president in ten years may depend on how quickly we can empty these trash cans this weekend?”

I think Damon is going to try to pull a Monday Surprise to swing the vote. There’s no secret these anti-prostitution groups and Damon’s campaign want the same thing. He may be using them

Aside from what was just discussed, are there any threats I should be aware of? I’m not asking for a list of those who would benefit or profit from her harm, that’s just handing me the city’s census report. I am asking about plausible, actionable threats in the immediate future.

There actually is one,” replied Budd. “The Amazing Aviv has put Zoey on his target list.”

“Who?” asked Andre.

“He flew a mannequin over the gate,

He’s got a huge following on Blink,” said Budd, “calls himself an anarchist performance artist. He’s the guy who flew a glider into the Super Bowl a few years ago, dumped a bag full of squirrels on the field. He’s not coming to kill you, though. For him, it’s all about bringing whimsy into the world.”

“No,” rebutted Will. “He’s all about undermining power. That can be worse, in the long run

Chapter 7

The drones floated down and encircled the sedan. Where their faces should be were black glass spheres that Zoey found terrifying. Then those spheres filled with holographic faces, young women whom Zoey recognized: these were their missing sex workers, portrayed as avenging angels. Then their mouths opened and their voices rang out in a chorus loud enough to shake the ground:

“OUR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS! OUR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS

We just got the video,” replied Budd. “It’s, well, there she is.”

pixelated just enough to make the titillated viewer want to go look up the uncensored version on Blink. The mass of gore was screaming, the female victim still conscious as parts were being extracted

“I am ninety-seven percent sure that it was some of those Liberator people who went to see Rose at her apartment before she vanished. As for what that means, or how we got from there to here,” he gestured at the lurid horror splashed across the skyscrapers, “that’s the conundrum.”

Just take me to the meeting,” said Zoey. “All things being equal, I’d just choose not to play his stupid game.”

It was clear Will had something he wanted to say about that but was choosing to stay silent. He actually didn’t need to say it, because he’d said it many times before: some games, you’re playing whether you choose to or not.

That’s not what I’m saying. Damon’s entire campaign depends on selling himself as the lone solution to the city’s chaos. He’ll probably try to antagonize you into acting rashly, doing something that proves him right. He may try to take credit for the missing girls even if he had nothing to do with it. He may try to bait you into threatening him. I’m saying you want to keep your role minimal, as a strategy

And this guy wants to rid the city of crime.”

“What? No. Zoey, listen, because this is everything: There’s nothing in Damon’s platform that involves preventing crime from happening. His promise is that he will inflict harm on the bad guys. Big difference.

You don’t come out here to hunt, do ya?

The point,” said Will, “is that if all crime disappeared from the city tomorrow, people like Damon would have to find a way to bring it back. The harsh measures are the ends, not the means.

Chapter 8

Zoey decided she would pass the time by pondering just how much she hated politics.

It was an arena in which everyone lied, all the time, because lying was required, demanded by the voters themselves. And because Zoey had money, it meant she had no escape. The snakes hit her up for campaign donations, they hinted at their ability to grease wheels she needed greased, they dropped implied threats about how they could make the machinery of commerce grind to a halt if she didn’t play ball. But the worst part was that, despite all this, politicians had an insidious ability to make you like them

So you agree that the suggestion that you would have sex for money is inherently insulting. You can feel it in your gut that it’s wrong

That’s why drugs are destructive, they disrupt the marketplace by skewing demand. Arthur hated the drug trade. But so what? When they say prostitution is the oldest profession, they’re not joking

Yes, it’s all a marketplace, a series of transactions. Every conversation you’ve ever had, every relationship, you’re offering something in exchange for something. Companionship, social status, sex, validation, security, whatever. You think it’s tasteless to refer to it as a marketplace, most women do. We can pick a different word if that will make it stop clouding your thinking

Chapter 9

With a primal shriek, the figure uttered a series of words.

Those words were, “Oh, my god! You’re naked! I’m sorry!”

It spun to turn its back to Zoey.

“What are you doing here, DeeDee?” yelped Zoey

Zoey had met DeeDee through DeeDee’s uncle, Alonzo Dunn

And the one who won’t instantly stonewall me on this.”

“On getting your implants fixed?”

“On going to see Rex Wrexx.”

He’s the one taking your sex workers. I’m sure of it.”

This stopped Zoey. “He is?”

“He burned the face off of a woman last year, just because she was spreading rumors about him on Blink

in Zoey’s ballroom there was a nano-accurate parts fabricator that could crank out implants and accessories capable of giving any human the destructive powers of a minor demigod or, at least, a tank. This one was one hundred percent true. Or two hundred percent true, as she actually had two of the fabricators now, in the room they’d code-named “Santa’s Workshop

What does it feel like? Having the implants, I mean?”

“It took me a while to identify the facial expressions and tones of voice I was getting back from certain men I encountered. Then I realized, for the first time, what I was getting was respect.”

“Respect, or fear?”

“With these particular men, they’re the same thing.

Zoey had met DeeDee about five months ago. DeeDee was not a people person but, it turned out, had developed a method over the years for finding like-minded friends: she attended meetings of powerful men and sought out other women who looked as fed up as she was

Chapter 10

“It’s all violence,” replied DeeDee. “Violence, or the threat of it, is the only reason any of us can do anything. If you have a home, the only reason a bunch of scary people can’t just come and take it from you is that promise of violence from agents of the state. Money only has value when it’s backed by a government and there’s no such thing as a government without guns.

since you’ve started patrolling around the red-light districts, has business for the sex workers gone up, or down?”

“I don’t keep track, that’s not my area.”

“I’ll answer for you: it’s gone down. Way down. Because for every one scumbag you scare away, you run off ten normal customers who are terrified they’ll get falsely accused and torn to pieces by the Obsidian Avenger

But who is he?” asked Zoey. “You said he’s famous?”

“Famous for being famous,” replied Budd around a barbecue rib. “You’ve seen him out and about, he lives in that bus with the clear walls, calls it the Fish Bowl? Lives his life in front of a live audience, streams it all. Not even the toilet is blocked off.

We have statistical models that show it’s pretty much impossible for Alonzo to win without Wrexx’s support,” added Echo

Where is it being held, by the way?”

“On a pirate ship,” replied Andre

Chapter 11

The Atlantis Recreation Complex, colloquially the “Tourist Boiler,” was pitched as a clear dome about twice the size of any current NFL stadium that would cover an artificial indoor lake

It would wind up taking twelve years to complete the Atlantis complex, at fifteen times the original estimated cost

No one could have predicted that, six months after opening, hydraulics failures would cause the replica ship to unexpectedly sink off schedule, resulting in the drowning deaths of five tourists.

The entire Titanic exhibit had therefore been removed long before Zoey arrived in town, replaced with a generic pirate ship–themed restaurant and venue that was designed to remain firmly above water at all times

I’ve known a whole lot of predators, Zoey. Done time with a few, worked with a few, got rid of a few. One thing I’ll tell you right now: they don’t get that message. These guys, the way their brains work, they don’t think they’re gonna get caught. That’s their whole thing, they can’t conceive of a future beyond satisfying this desire or that. Threaten them with death, threaten them with torture, it don’t matter.

it doesn’t work, people have been trying it for thousands of years. I mean, maybe it deters good citizens, the ones who wouldn’t dream about raping anyway. So the only purpose it serves is cruelty. Remember, Zoey, cruelty is more addictive than any drug ever sold on these streets.

Chapter 12

So the big joke was that I spend six months planning how to get into literally the most secure private property in the USA, take all of these huge risks, go up and pet your cats for a few seconds, and then just leave

these pranks only hurt you if you try to rule by scaring people

I don’t think going to bed with Zoey Ashe is nearly as big a deal as getting one, long, sincere conversation with her

My lady, you are bored

The CIA, instead of just killing everybody, had an idea: they would fake a series of vampire attacks

maybe those villagers weren’t ignorant, maybe they saw that and realized one of two things was true: they were either being stalked by a vampire, or by something much worse.

Chapter 13

Regardless of party or faction, in most elections, you’ve got an order candidate and a chaos candidate

having a series of zero-stakes adventures

For people in our position, survival is all about prioritizing dangers by what actually needs attention, not by what happens to be engaging our emotions in the moment

Echo said, “And this has been today’s edition of ‘Will Blackwater Tries to Make Someone in Distress Feel Better by Triggering an Existential Crisis.’

“So the woman whose face you burned off, that was self-defense?”

“I did no such thing and would never dream of it

Chapter 14

This nation was built by weird creeps,” replied Will, dipping into his vast arsenal of deeply alarming reassurances. “People who don’t care about social norms get things done.... The existence of those people isn’t as scary as the fact that they have loyal fans.”

“It’s all the same,” said Echo. “Wrexx has built a life for himself where he’s not bound by rules. Certain people see that and their imagination dazzles with the possibilities

We’ve got a corpse here

Iris. Second one

And what condition is the body in?”

“Perfect, now that you mention it. Got her sealed up in a box

Iris shrieked. Then there was a wet, muffled pop, and the top third of the box became a splatter of red

“I thought maybe it was an animatronic,” answered Will, “but it’s not even that. It’s five screens, synced to create a 3D image. The box is empty

Chapter 15

Sometimes when Zoey wanted to escape reality, she daydreamed of buying that shop and whipping them into shape

One month ago, all three attended an off-the-books, exclusive, underground get-together in Las Vegas. No cameras, no phones, everyone signed an NDA. At least seventy people in attendance, including our friend Rex Wrexx

He thinks both candidates are trash and that the whole process is fake. I didn’t disagree.” “Everybody thinks that, including the candidates. But when it comes down to it, one of them is going to win and so everyone eventually has to choose.

Chapter 16

It appeared, in fact, that Lyra had not gotten any work done at all

I would stop it,” answered Wu. “Not in my capacity as Zoey’s personal security, but as man in position to do something.”

I learned quickly that the advantage of bullies isn’t in their strength but in what they are willing to do, being unafraid of consequences or of breaking the rules.

The fans whipped themselves into a frenzy until there were entire Blink groups devoted to nothing but fantasizing about my death by torture

All of this, within a week. That’s how long it took them to go from zero to crazy, just pumping up that rage until someone was finally pushed to take action. It couldn’t have ended any other way. Unless, of course, Wrexx had told them to back off. Which he didn’t.”

You know what’s weird? After that, it’s not that my face changed, it’s that the universe changed around me. The way people treat me. I instantly became invisible to society. Everyone quickly glances away.

“I haven’t spent the money from Wrexx. I gave a lot of it away. My mom had a lot of debts. But I’m dipping into it more and more now

Afterward, he made little jokes about it, constantly. Subtle, like it was an inside thing among his fans

I confront the manager about it, he finally tells me that Wrexx can’t be banned. Because he’s untouchable, he’s a celebrity, all that.

You’re frustrated that it’s hard to pin down the blame for something like this, that there were too many people involved from start to finish. But there was only one player in this game who had the power to step in and stop it before it started and that’s your company, your people

But for right now, I want people to see me. All this press they put out about how Tabula Rasa is this fun, lawless playground? I want the tourists to see what that really looks like

She looked up to find a cowboy, an actual dude in full Old West garb, complete with leather vest, chaps, spurs, and a six-gun in a holster slung low on his hips. But it wasn’t quite right; the ten-gallon hat on his head was dark and patterned with stars and half-moons

Zoey asked, “Did you seriously have implants installed that would just let you draw your gun faster?

You can call me Pistol Wizard.

Standing immediately behind him was the old woman in the gray trench coat and red wide-brimmed hat

The six-gun was a tiny speck against the crystal-blue sky and white clouds, soaring through the air like a departing rocket, until it vanished from their sight

The name is Margaret Mull. I investigate missing persons. I may have information for you, if there is somewhere private we can speak.”

Chapter 17

My beat is missing persons, I’ve assisted the police in solving more than thirty cases

No, I just noticed a generation’s talents and smarts were being wasted staring at distractions on various screens and figured all of that time and energy could at least be focused on something useful. As for me, well, I think I just enjoy solving puzzles.

Have you ever wondered what would happen to a society if it became totally impossible to discern fact from fiction?” After only brief consideration, Zoey said, “Actually, I think we’re living in it right now

it seems to me the next frontier, the true power, is in mastering these new, perfect forms of deception

The power to create your own reality, that is the power of a god. But you already know that, right?”

So how does this work?” asked Zoey. “Do you have a gadget in your umbrella there that hacks elevators?”

“She doesn’t need one,” said Wu, “her comment outside was a signal to her followers to do it for her. She crowdsources her investigations and her fans are happy to help her invade any systems that stand in her way

“A flock of talented people dedicated to discovering the truth and delivering justice is a superpower all its own,” said Margaret. “In a society that is quickly going mad, they may be the only thing keeping all this from falling to pieces.

Axol was brought in after Clarence was fired. And he was fired for not banning Wrexx. He didn’t run it up the chain of command, he made that decision himself.”

You think Will is afraid to tell you when you’ve screwed up?”

“I know he is. Not because he’s afraid of me, but because he thinks I’m too fragile

Well, it’s not exactly that.”

“What?”

“It’s just that … okay, have you ever had a job where some really eager employee comes on board, but they’re so eager that they can’t stop questioning everything?

“I’m sorry, hold on. So everybody thinks I’m annoying because I ask questions like, ‘Are our businesses ruining lives?’ or ‘Are we using our enormous influence to make society measurably worse?’ So before I came along, nobody asked those questions?”

“It’s not that. It’s that you are still thinking of it like a game.” When I was a kid, my dad forbid us from playing any video games. Not for the usual reasons—because they were addictive or a waste of time—he said games teach a really bad lesson, which is that every problem has some neat solution.

The real world isn’t like that, it’s all just a bunch of trade-offs. If you legalize drugs, you get addicts in the park and ruined lives. If you do prohibition, you get jails packed with traffickers and black markets ruled by whoever is the best at murder. You’re driving yourself crazy asking where’s the exact solution, as if the universe is presenting all of this as a series of obstacles to test you. When in reality, all you can do is manage the problems and minimize damage

Chapter 18

One of the headliners tonight is Snowcloak, taking over all three stages on the West side—that’s those stages over there. After them it’s The Pompeii Sisters and Zenquisition. Those are all pseudo-Christian acts beloved by straight-edge types

But these people are from all over, how many can even vote on Tuesday?”

“Not even ten percent

Mayor is just his first step up the ladder and you can guess why he picked our city to launch his political career.” Zoey said, “Because it has the most cameras.

What do they call that?” He pointed at Zoey.

“Call what?”

“The way you’ve done your hair. With the bald strip.”

“Oh, haha, that’s actually the result of an accident. Or I guess it wasn’t an accident, somebody was trying to shoot me in the face with a heat ray and it skimmed over my scalp instead.”

“Seen a couple chicks with hair like that in the crowd out there

Have you ever actually visited a prison and talked to the inmates?” asked Leonidas. “I have. I worked as a corrections guard for seven years, that’s how I got started as a streamer, showing what those animals do to each other inside

Some humans cannot govern themselves, Ms. Ashe

You know that’s all this is, right? You and me, this conflict? It’s a race to find out if the genes that create a preference for hedonism and deception win out against those geared toward organization and discipline.

Well, not too many thousands of years ago, humans had to be domesticated to live in cities. Before that, we were a bunch of nomadic tribes of bloodthirsty hunters

That occurred via selective breeding, that’s why everything in Biblical times came with the death penalty

as a society we don’t have to pick between lawless chaos and a police state where roving packs of government goons purge the streets of the unclean.”

“I don’t want that, I want a world where that’s not necessary because the people naturally govern themselves. Until then, yes, the only way to keep order is to surveil and punish

The Amazing Aviv yelled, “Zoey! You’re here

It’s not complicated, Aviv. I know you’re bad for me but the hungry, grunting pig-monster that lives inside me doesn’t care

This trailer is parked next to a powder keg, a quarter of a million kids out there who’ve decided this music festival is the front line of a culture war. This isn’t a joke, it’s serious

My election-day shenanigans are no more dangerous or chaotic than what the candidates themselves are doing

And I am saying, with one hundred percent sincerity, with no subterfuge, that watching you stand up to these goons day after day, the monsters and the Suits, is the sexiest goddamned thing I’ve ever seen

The Sunday-night onstage appearance had always been her father’s tradition. For the locals and out-of-towners alike, the message was clear: “I am the guy who keeps this city fun. If I go away, the party goes dark

“If what you’re trying to say,” said Andre, “is that the poor people here are being forced to pick their poison, either live terrified of a creep crawling through their window or be terrified of a jackboot knocking their teeth out for no reason, well, that’s the same choice the people at the bottom have been stuck with for several thousand years.”

And now you know why the very first human cities all had a common ingredient that made them work. We wouldn’t have a civilization without it.”

“The law?”

“Alcohol

I think Arthur would let Alonzo onstage but would make it very clear beforehand that Alonzo was deeply, deeply in his debt for doing so, and then he’d remind Alonzo of that fact once every forty-eight hours or so for as long as he served as mayor

Chapter 19

what she had not realized, until Budd explained it, was that the entire show was not just planned but recorded in advance. Each act—even the low-fi folk groups—had a music director and a live programmer stationed in this room to fill in background vocals and instrumental tracks during the performance

Well, that’s the key, knowing that everybody is different in the details but the same at the core. Every human being has one big, gaping weakness. It’s usually one of two things: a sucking hole at their center called ‘need’ or something they’ve desperately latched onto to fill that need. Either way, their entire world and personality, all their posturing and bluster, it’s all revolving around some central weakness they’re trying to cover up.”

Well, I would ask you what my big insecurity is but everybody in the world knows it.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I worry that I’m not cut out for this world of cutthroat serpents.”

“You think so? I reckon you’re more worried that you are cut out for it.”

Will said the most effective con is when you let the mark think they’re in on it. For all I know, that’s all Aviv is doing with me

Wait, are you encouraging me to start a serious relationship with this daredevil-slash-prankster? I’d almost suspect you’re saying this to me as a prank on Will

I’m, ah, not so sure that Will wouldn’t tell you the same thing. I mean, he wouldn’t tell you, I’m saying if you could pry open his skull and see his real thoughts, that’s what they’d be

You know Will’s done time before, right? All of us have, including Echo. Arthur did, too. A couple years

If you find a fella who sees you for what you are and doesn’t go running for the hills, at least give him a chance

In other words, they want the impossible. So what they get instead is a show

What was her face doing right now? Should she just walk off? Would that be seen as a protest? Alonzo had gone off script and there were no good options for reeling him in

Chapter 20

But then Zoey recognized the face. It was, of course, Rose, the third missing sex worker.

“Please!” cried Hologram Rose

“I’m saying the hologram was uploaded by Violet, that’s why she was here, that’s what she was waiting to do when you spotted her

Something in there was on fire. Several things, in fact

The men holding on to Zoey’s arms thus didn’t need to hear Margaret’s story. What they knew was that the festival masses had collectively decided to tear apart the venue and that Zoey was a part of the venue somehow, that one way or another, she represented what it stood for

Chapter 21

All three of us are in a program, to get us out. We’ll get new identities, in another city

We’re going into protection because we’re being targeted by a specific person.”

“Who?”

“You know who.”

“Are you implying Rex Wrexx threatened you?”

“I’m not implying it. He spelled out in vivid detail what he would do to us

So someone sneaked the three of you to safety.”

“Clarence did,” replied Violet. “No one else would help us

So … he helped you because he felt guilty about the Wrexx thing?”

“And because he decided the entire industry is rotten,” replied Violet, “and your company, specifically.”

We just wanted to get out of town, Clarence wanted to turn it into a show. He has aspirations in Hollywood, I think

Something about how it’s indicting the system, not one bad apple

DeeDee gave Will a look. “Your little festival has turned into a war zone. Funny how easily even somebody like you can lose control, isn’t it?” Will sipped his drink and said, “It is. This all happened a full twenty-two minutes earlier than our model indicated. The Rose hoax acted as a catalyst.

The beehive is coated in a flammable material. Easy to light, makes a bright, beautiful flame. The coating burns off after a while and the material that remains is absolutely fireproof, it can’t be relit

something the rioters instinctively did because the tanks just looked top-heavy, it was the obvious strategy. It was almost as if these particular vehicles had been designed with that in mind

The two antagonist factions of the festival, East and West, had found a common enemy. Just as Echo’s model had said they would

So if you climb far enough up the ladder, is it all like this? Are all conflicts just games arranged by the powerful?” “Boy, wouldn’t that be nice,” said Will, “to think somebody is in control? No, this is a contained, managed event, created with a tremendous amount of planning and resources

it tells us one thing very clearly: Wrexx very much thinks you want him dead.”

“Well,” sighed Zoey, “at least he knows how to read people

Chapter 22

whenever I hand you a cup of coffee that you didn’t make yourself, you take a sip and get this little disapproving look on your face

there are two very different factions in Damon’s supporter base. There’s the hard-core authoritarians, who want crime crushed at all costs and actually like his vision, then there’s the normal people, who assume the hard rhetoric is just talk but that he’ll still be tough on crime and generally make the streets safer for the innocent children.

A man’s reputation is all he has.”

“Well, now, there’s where I do have to disagree. A man’s character is all he has. If reputation is the only thing keeping a man in line, well, then all he has to do is build himself up a following that’ll turn a blind eye to anything but an atrocity committed live in front of their eyes, and maybe even that

Chapter 24

my team told me it was a bad idea, the thing with the drink robot. Particularly Sig, she said it was the worst idea she’d ever heard and that you’d never speak to me again. I thought you’d find it charming but I guess other women have an eye for this kind of thing

Budd died to the most powerful weapon in the known universe: a compelling lie

Chapter 25

Since we have somebody new, here’s a quick intro to selling anything, including an idea

Chapter 26

You don’t get it. They didn’t have to specifically say I couldn’t ban him. All they had to do was make it very clear that per-store revenue goals had to be met, no excuses.

So we need to re-kill him, live, on-camera. With Wrexx gone, you should be safe, if we can take the heat off of you with his weirdo fans by giving them a new story, a new reality

Chapter 29

All you have to do is observe any team member’s behavior and you’ll see the reality of it. I’m the backstop.”

“The what?”

“In any group,” he said, “in any company or household or platoon, there’s one person who acts as the last resort

Let me try that again: I know that your enemies would try to use it against you, if they knew that you, you know, cared about me

of all the pro-Alonzo or anti-Damon phrases we’ve tried to get trending, the one that’s spread the fastest by far is ‘Justice for Bandito.’”

Chapter 30

It wasn’t just curiosity that drew all of those eyeballs, but an acute fear of being out of the loop, which had been trained into the audience by the algorithm and dopamine

Whoever finds Rose gets five million dollars, whoever finds Wrexx, and stops him, gets another five

Yeah, but, what would we do if she tries?”

“The day you truly become the boss,” replied Will, “is the day you realize that decision is yours, not mine.”

Chapter 31

The camera zoomed in to reveal what the two occupied vats contained: a Frankenstein combination of women and pigs, mismatched human and swine limbs stitched together for some unknowable purpose

Chapter 32

IT WAS HARD TO anticipate, Will had said, how a devoted fan base would react to a scandal, in the same way that it’s hard to know how a cult’s followers would react to a fallen leader.

It said quite a bit about Rex Wrexx’s fans that, with each suggestion of how to stage his ignominious death, Will had shaken his head and said, “No. It has to be stranger.”

This, of course, did nothing to help Alonzo’s poll numbers. Any hope for that, if there ever was any hope at all, would come in the morning, with Act III. For now, news of what occurred out at the old airport needed to percolate and marinate in the zeitgeist

Most normal folk don’t have time for that nonsense, they’re too busy working their jobs and raising their kids. So when they want to know what to do, what to wear, what to eat, they look to the whales... Well, a big spender. A heavy user. About a quarter of the city’s gambling revenue is from this tiny group of rich, obsessive players. We’re talking the top one half of one percent. You can pick any vice, you’ll get the same.

if you want to run a city, focus on the whales. I mean the whales in all areas, not just money. Like crime

in this city, where there are crowds, there are food trucks

Does no one in this city have to get up for work in a few hours?”

“Lots of businesses close on election day,” said Andre. “It’s got something of a party atmosphere. But also, pretty much everyone on Blink following this story thinks this is all the prelude for one of Aviv’s patented stunts. They think the arrest, getting snatched up by this guy, that it’s the equivalent of a stage musician making a big show of getting chained up in a straightjacket before he’s lowered into a tank of water. Not just that he’ll get out, but that he’ll do it with style

Certain guys, they see everybody else as audience, so they get it in their heads that all will be forgiven if the show is good enough.

It had probably looked pretty cool in its day, but the now deactivated frozen animals up there had been exposed to wind and rain for a couple of years, their fur having molded and sloughed away, leaving them looking like cybernetic zombie predators

Zoey noticed for the first time that she actually couldn’t see a wire around his neck

And I have an honest question: Who out there just wants things to be, you know, normal? Not a dark theocratic dystopia, not a superhuman freak show, just a fun city where you can live your life without waking up to another nightmarish headline

I hereby throw my hat into the ring for the position of mayor of Tabula Rasa

Chapter 33

watched Wrexx’s transparent tour bus being consumed by flames that had been ignited by his own fans

Korean street waffles,” said Carlton. “A favorite of Arthur’s when he was anticipating a particularly hard day. A crispy warm waffle, folded to hold a generous filling of cream cheese, honey, and whipped cream, in layers

The knockoff Liberators group, the “Liberationists,” had been Zoey’s idea. She’d had some trouble putting her finger on exactly what bothered her about Leonidas Damon, aside from the hundreds of obvious things that bothered her. She finally decided that it was how he tried to have it both ways: he wanted the benefits of a like-minded gang roaming the streets to enforce his rules but without the drawbacks of accountability... It would be a shame, Zoey had said, if someone were to exploit that ambiguity somehow.

Gird your loins, folks, because this,” dramatic pause, “is Azalea.

motors issuing forth a deep rumble at a frequency of 17 Hz, which Will had said was scientifically known to induce dread in the human brain

It had been Will who’d pointed out that these holy messengers from the Lord were never depicted as women with harps and two wings on their back

You’ve seen our angels around,” continued Axol, “this here is the next step. See, Azalea doesn’t just look out for crime, it looks for sinners

Any history of taking a bad tone with a stranger, arguing on the sidewalk, or telling offensive jokes—everything will be noted and logged

Azalea, tag this man

Then the crimson center eye split and opened. From inside came a spray of fluorescent green that painted the man from head to toe

That dye glows in the dark and stays on the skin for five years. You can’t wash it off

Most of the mob was now focused on trying to slay the robotic angel. Most of them. The rest had decided to go after Axol and the remaining Liberationists

Then came a noise loud enough to make the clouds tremble. It was a trumpet, emitting from the spinning angel drone

The first painted man, the one who’d been secretly paid to play this role, slumped over onto the pavement, as if dead

Chapter 34

How do we know he won’t swing it to us?”

“We don’t,” replied Echo, “and we can’t model the outcome either way

he was filling a void in the zeitgeist. It also came at the perfect time, since the Catharsis festival was over, as was the Sex Butcher hunt. Residents and tourists alike were looking for the Next Weird Thing

because of the constrictor wire.”

“What wire?” She pulled his collar away from his neck. “You don’t even have one on.”

“I very much do.”

“Where?”

Aviv just stared, a strange smile on his face.

Zoey said, “You can’t be serious

Will said, “We give people ways to relieve their boredom before it congeals into sadistic cruelty.

Shut up! Shut up! My head is pounding. I am so sick of listening to men talk and talk and talk and talk

You,” she said to Aviv, “people like you stand on the sidelines and point out what’s wrong with the system, getting applause because you throw pies in faces. But if you were put in charge, the whole thing would collapse in a day!

But let me leave you with this final statement. Here is what the future will look like under Leonidas Damon.”

Aviv got down into a sprinter’s stance

There was an almost inaudible, wet squinch, and Aviv, his eyes suddenly wide, had birthed a spray of crimson from his groin

Chapter 35

Your boyfriend just got out of surgery,” said Wu. “He’s down the hall.”

Echo added, “They think the video of his, ah, accident will set the record for fastest-spreading clip in Blink history. Specifically, the version someone posted that was in extreme slow motion.”

Zoey sighed. “Please tell me I’m not visible in the clip that’s going around.”

“You are,” Echo replied, failing to hide her glee, “and the slowed-down zoom on your facial expression is really something. You can see several emotions playing out on your face at once

Wait,” said Zoey, “did we win?”

“We did,” replied Will, “though if you combined their votes, the actual winner was Aviv, Aviv’s dick, and an exploded raccoon

“I had my team on hand in case the trap went off. What I did at the end there, that was spontaneous! I just came up with it on the spot.”

“I’m going to be frank,” replied Zoey, “it didn’t look planned. And as a piece of political performance art, I also have to admit I’m not at all clear on the message.

people are just people but celebrities are an idea. If you want to stop one, you can’t just kill the person, you have to kill the idea

Chapter 36

She wants to unionize the sex workers

You’ve talked about how my dad’s romantic partners were always a security threat, that you had to do a quick vetting of them almost on the fly

When Aviv drilled his way into the house, then spent hours with me unsupervised, that should have been an absolute crisis

I think you had vetted him already.

Even weirder,” added Zoey, “you kept the team away from the house that night

When you vetted women for my father, did you ever get proactive?

I’m saying that the Bible itself says God is a cheat

You know the bit in the New Testament where Jesus resurrected that guy?” continued Andre. “What was his name?”

“Lazarus

when he sees the corpse, you know what he does? He cries

Until he saw it, God didn’t know what death was. Not really. He had to experience it like we do. And when he finally did, his ass couldn’t handle it.”

“And then he undid it,

Exactly. He resurrects his friend, which is against the rules! Nobody else gets to do that. For us, death is forever, but when it was Jesus’s own pal, he said no. I don’t accept this. I can’t. So while the dealer wasn’t looking, he pulled new cards outta his sleeve. And that was where Budd landed on God, that he may be all-powerful, he may be all-knowing, but when he came down here to our world and tried to play our game, he couldn’t hack it.

all he did was cheat. When Jesus got a huge crowd together and didn’t plan any kind of food for them to eat, he just makes loaves and fishes appear out of thin air. He didn’t want to deal with the logistics, finding reputable fish and loaf dealers, rationing out everything so there’ll be enough for the folks in the back, keeping the hungry crowd calm. He just turns on the Infinite Food cheat code

Aaaand another friendly conversation descends into an existential crisis. God, don’t you people ever just sit around and talk about sports or something?

But to be honest, seeing what’s next is the best part. And I bet deep down, you agree